You can miss someone and still not want them back in your life
It meant something, just not enough to stay
We all go through stages in life where we lose people we thought would stay for life. and after letting go, we start missing them because they filled a specific void in our lives, they were there during significant moments—celebrations, heartbreaks, or just quiet nights spent talking for hours. Yet, when we think deeper about it, we realize that those moments don’t always outweigh the reasons for moving on. But weirdly, these break ups don’t always end in hate or betrayal, maybe this person had habits that annoyed us or dreams that simply didn’t align with ours.
So it all starts by missing the version of you that laughed a little louder around them, the comfort of knowing what their message tone sounded like and the way their presences softened your day. But as time goes by, you understand that you can miss someone and still know they have no place in your life anymore. You don’t want the late-night arguments back. Or the feeling of being too much. Or the silent tension when your needs were too loud for them. So you’ve outgrown the version of love that required you to constantly prove you were worth staying for. And there is so much power in being the kind of person who can look back and still believe that yes it meant something… and still, no, I don’t want it ever again. And those memories, no matter how great they seemed, they are wrapped in a quiet acceptance that some chapters have to end.
Why is that? Because people change, and life moves forward. Sometimes, the version of you that loved them is not the version of you sitting here today. And that growth teaches you to appreciate the good times without holding onto the pain of hoping for a do-over.
Moreover, memories have this tricky way of showing you only the golden hours, the shared laughter, the way they looked at you like you were the only person in the room. But those memories rarely remind you how often you cried after the call ended, or how small you felt when you needed more they could give. And that’s what makes missing someone so confusing, because half of the time, you’re not really missing them, you’re missing the idea of being chosen, the comfort and the illusion of certainty.
Taking the time to reflect on the reasons for missing someone can provide valuable insights into your feelings and motivations. It is essential to differentiate between missing the person and missing the companionship, support, or the memories. So understanding the root of your emotions can help you move on and choose what is best for you.
In conclusion, the ability to miss someone and yet not wish for their return highlights the depth of human emotions. Embracing our past experiences while understanding their role in our personal development allows for emotion maturity. Meaning that it’s okay to hold onto memories without holding onto the past. It’s okay to miss the warmth without needing to feel it again. Because sometimes, the most loving thing you can do, for yourself and for them, is to let go, grow, and carry the good parts with you as you move forward in life.
Thank you for reading.
— A girl, a spiral
The title of this post is the mantra half of us could benefit from, I think.
When I was reading this, I was reminded of the time when my ex-partner, who’d left me and not the other way around, texted me a couple of years after the breakup, wistful about the relationship we used to have and struggling to find something similar, and I ended up opening his eyes to the fact that he didn’t miss me, he just missed the way he used to feel with me. The two feelings are often confused, and I still have to remind myself that I don’t want to go back to the person who left, I just want to meet someone else who would make me just as happy.
Sometimes we reach for the past because it’s the only thing we know. It’s hard to imagine the happiness that hasn’t crossed our path yet. We just have to keep going forward and believe more happiness is waiting for us somewhere ahead.
So true, love this part "half of the time, you’re not really missing them, you’re missing the idea of being chosen, the comfort and the illusion of certainty."